Let the Bonding Between Mother And Child Not Be Sacrificed for Success!

Today, the efforts of mothers, who are lost in the chaos of information, to be "successful" as a mother can put the mother-child relationship in a difficult position. Mothers who want to be the right role model can destroy the warmth of the bond between them and their children due to the fear of being unable to raise them properly. So what should be done to avoid leading to this? Here are the things to be done for the right mother-child relationship...

Motherhood is perhaps one of the most satisfying feelings of life. In fact, the motherhood role also consists of instincts such as “caring for, feeding, loving, keeping warm, protecting a human baby.” However, in practice, it cannot remain this simple, occupying the whole being and thought of the mother. Moreover, as she acquires more information, questions on how to achieve "the ideal standard of motherhood" begin to occupy her mind. Stating that the role of motherhood becomes increasingly complicated today for this reason, Yeditepe University Hospital Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Department Head Assoc. Prof. Dr. Oguzhan Zahmacıoğlu notes that mothers today “cannot experience the warmth of the mother-child relationship while endeavoring to be a successful mother."

Is motherhood an innate role, as we are taught, or is it learned afterward?

The role of motherhood differs from culture to culture. Usually, the way the mother will play this role is shaped by her relationship with her own mother and the nature of the role ascribed to the mother by the society in which she lives. But there is one thing that does not change in any society: the special bond established between mother and baby. The relationship established between the mother and her baby from the day the baby is born is special. Babies come into the world as if they were equipped with features that would fascinate the mother who looks after them. This is such magic that every time the baby cries, the mother will feel obliged to fulfill its needs. The bonding relationship that develops between mother and baby thanks to precisely this special ability of the human baby ensures the baby's protection, care, meeting of its needs, and survival.

The mother's sensitivity to the baby's needs is partly due to hormonal changes that occur in the mother after childbirth, but it is partly created by this special ability of the baby. Today, more than before, mothers raise their children within plans, programs, and projects.

Could you compare new mothers with old mothers?

Nowadays, mothers are under an intense scientific bombardment. Raw scientific data such as “Feeding or not feeding the child with certain foods can cause them to become a heart patient or diabetic in the future," "The additional nutrients they receive determines whether they will become obese in the future," "If they do not receive certain vitamins, their height will not grow enough,” etc., some of which are not very accurate, reaches mothers from various sources. This ever-lengthening list on nutrition has been supplemented over time with a list of how their intelligence will improve better. Mothers try to make their children listen to certain types of music starting from pregnancy so that their intelligence improves, put their children in front of TV programs that are claimed to enhance intelligence from the moment they can sit, and make sure that they play with certain toys. The pressure of the consumer society on motherhood is gradually increasing.

Many conflicting messages are delivered to mothers simultaneously. Under such a bombardment, some mothers go into the effort of teaching their children foreign languages before they even speak their own language so that they learn foreign languages well. Likewise, they can initiate the child's music education before toilet training. As the mother's educational level increases, the list of things to be done for the child's future gets longer and longer. As a result of all these warnings, some mothers run away with the idea that "it is solely under their control what their children will become or not in the future,” and they are also terribly afraid of one day being blamed by their children that they have done certain things incompletely or wrong.

While children grow up in today's fast, complex, and crowded cities, are their relationships with their mothers also affected by this lifestyle?

As a result of all these pressures, rather mothers living in cities have begun to feel as if there is an external system that scores every moment of their relationship with their children. With the guilt of not devoting enough time to their child, working mothers have come to spend their time with their children by constantly thinking about whether the child has played all the games necessary for their intellectual development or not. They feel as though they are constantly being supervised and scored by a hypothetical "proper child-raising supervision system" on how good they are as mothers and how successful, confident, and healthy their children will be in the future. A perspective focused on the child's future to that extent can cause missing out on the present and forgetting the emotional relationship dimension, which is a crucial dimension of the mother-child relationship. It can disrupt the spontaneity and naturalness of the mother-child relationship. Mothers cannot enjoy their relationships with their children because of the worry of doing certain things incompletely or wrong.

The most important aspects of a mother-child relationship are the feeling of trust, compassion, sharing, happiness in being together, and a sense of mutual acceptance despite everything. This feeling disappears when mothers are nervous and children start to experience anxiety about not being able to respond to their mothers' expectations. The feeling of motherhood is perhaps one of the most satisfying feelings of life, and it should not be forgotten that both mothers and their children will lose when this feeling is disrupted in an effort to become a “successful mother." Therefore, the mothers need to spend as much time with their children as possible and try to show their love at every opportunity by sharing their feelings.