The question "Who will take care of my child?" for working mothers becomes the biggest problem. If there are no other grandparents or family members who can help, they are looking for helpers for child care at home. Although there is a babysitter for the child, the questions and problems in the minds of parents continue. Yeditepe University Kozyatağı Hospital Child and Adolescent Mental Health and Disorders Assoc. Prof. Dr. Oğuzhan Zahmacıoğlu emphasizes that working parents should be careful in the selection of babysitters.

At what age do children need a babysitter?

0-12 years of age is the most common age range in which children need care. They need a babysitter. Today, due to the intense presence of mothers in business life, a babysitting system has developed, which white-collar people use and have to use more, especially in cities. If the mother is working or something is preventing her from becoming a mother, nannies-babysitters come into play.

How should babysitter selection be, and what should be discussed during the interview? Can you provide us with the most basic questions?

Nursing-babysitting is a profession today; it depends on the agreement between the employer and the babysitter, just like in all employment contracts. The most important feature that should be expected from a babysitter is that they love children, that they can be passed with children, and that their ability to cope with difficulties is the existence and quality of their child-specific attitudes that they will look at more specifically. The babysitter must be affectionate, friendly, and talkative. A babysitter who does not like to talk and lacks verbal communication may adversely affect the development of the child. Children develop with the words they hear and the communication they establish. Therefore, you should prefer friendly and talkative babysitters who do not have depressive tendencies.

After clarifying your criteria, you can contact the employers that the babysitter has previously worked with, if any. Especially ask their former employer if they would recommend them sincerely. If you can find the right babysitter, you will now need to get used to it.

What should be among the indispensable characteristics of a babysitter?

A child needs to have a character that can understand them to guide their behavior. The care that every child needs is not the same. The nanny to be hired should also be the most expected to meet these characteristics.

What are the main responsibilities of a nanny?

There is a misconception in society that the nanny and the babysitter are different concepts; that the nanny is the person who educates the children of the upper socio-economic class, and the babysitter is the person who feeds, changes, and sleeps the child, in short, daily care. Giving education/training to the child is not the primary task of the nanny.

In recent years, families prefer nannies from abroad so that their children can learn a foreign language. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation? 

Language is an innate ability, but we need the environment to develop it. Most babies reach maturity between the ages of 12 and 18 months, which is necessary for speech and language. For this, it is important that the babysitter of the child can use the child's native language well. When words are not pronounced correctly, the child may also experience delays in learning to pronounce certain words correctly. Because young children learn language by hearing what adults say and repeating what they hear. Foreign babysitters hired for the child to learn a foreign language may cause the child to have difficulty learning their mother tongue. Therefore, it would be healthier to find a Turkish babysitter who speaks a foreign language rather than hiring a foreign babysitter for your child to learn a foreign language at an early age.

In addition, permit works will be activated for the foreign babysitter to work in Türkiye. This may cause a situation that bothers you. It may also be necessary to enter and exit abroad at certain intervals depending on the country. 

On the other hand, foreign babysitters are more compatible with the family than Turkish babysitters. They work more professionally. Foreign babysitters listen more to what the family is saying and act in accordance with the family's wishes.

What are the differences between a live-in babysitter and a day care babysitter? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

There is no difference between a day babysitter and a live-in babysitter. What creates advantages and disadvantages is personality traits, as well as how clear the framework for the work to be done is.  And, of course, your character and the expectations of a babysitter...

For example, if you like to live alone at home and want to be comfortable as you want, a live-in babysitter may not work for you. On the other hand, if your child is of school age, has a live-in babysitter, and is knowledgeable about homework, your babysitter may be able to help with your child's homework and projects when your child comes home in the evening. When you go on vacation, your boarder can come with you and take care of your children. While you are on vacation with a different program, your babysitter can play fun games with your children in the pool.

If you want daily babysitters, it's a good idea to choose those that are close to your home. Especially if you live in large cities such as Istanbul, where a 10-minute drive takes 1 hour, a live-in babysitter may be more suitable for you instead of a daycare babysitter.

At what age range would it make more sense to choose a nanny?

The parents, the babysitter, and the child must understand each other for a reason, how they feel about each other. It is not very important to choose a certain age range when choosing a nanny. Experience is of course important, but in babysitting as in any job, "pay attention to the work than promises”.

Working with babysitting counseling agencies can be useful in the sense that parents choose the right babysitter if they have also created data that takes care of their employees' mental state and mental health. It is also possible to check the resumes and references of the babysitter. Although the costs of finding a babysitter through babysitter consultancy agencies in Türkiye are increasing, immigrants are often employed as babysitters. It is less costly financially, but there are risks; because even if you are a sweet person, the person you hire may not be able to establish a spiritual bond with your child. The temperament of their habits should be appropriate, at least at a tolerable level of compliance. All babysitters may not be appropriate for all children.

What are the consequences of changing nannies frequently?

Changing babysitters frequently is a risky situation. It is of course preferable for the babysitter to remain the same, but this should not mean that the babysitter should not be changed, whatever the circumstances. Of course, if the agreement between the parent and the babysitter is out of bounds or there are other unusual developments, a new babysitter should be sought.

How can the nanny's behavior be controlled? Some families can control their nannies by putting cameras in the house… What are your thoughts on this?  

Installing a home camera system to prevent abuse, violence, or ill-treatment of children by babysitters can be seen as a preventative measure. However, it should be discussed with the babysitter from the beginning that the house will be watched with the camera. It is not ethically correct for the employee to be monitored by the employer without their knowledge and permission.

How to get the child used to the nanny? What needs to be done to facilitate this process?

First of all, you should let the babysitter and your child have fun together and have a pleasant time while you are at home. In addition, you should treat the babysitter with care, you should love him. If you love the babysitter, your child will too. It is also helpful to take a photo of the babysitter with your child and hang it in the refrigerator. When you talk about the babysitter, you should be excited and caring. In addition to all this, never go out in secret when leaving the house, and try to return in time by telling your child the time of your return.

What are the differences in Türkiye with nanny expectations abroad? In what ways do we differ?

Although there is not much difference between the expectations of the nanny abroad and the expectations in Türkiye, the fact that Westerners have clearer lines in their employment contracts and job descriptions and that they behave more disciplined undoubtedly makes nannying/babysitting a more serious profession.

What should parents pay attention to in terms of healthy communication with nannies? For situations such as expressing expectations, criticizing...

It is so important for parents and babysitters to communicate healthily. When the babysitter starts to work, the parties do not have much trouble if they clearly determine the definition and framework of the work and mutually approve their expectations.  However, since there is generally no clear, healthy communication, both parties may not have much idea about what to do with each other. There may be big problems because they do not express each other's demands or deficiencies clearly.

Some parents want the nannies to take the initiative and do what they know to be right without consulting them, while others want their nannies to do exactly what they say. What is distinctive here is that the employer and the employee openly discuss such expectations and demands between them when starting the job. If these are discussed at the beginning, then there is no problem.

How should families who have problems with the nanny, for example, parents who detect a problem with the baby and their child and think that this is caused by the nanny, follow? How can nanny trauma improve in babies and children? What are your suggestions?

Mothers and babysitters can sometimes experience competition for care. While the mother is at work during the day, the child begins to show an attachment to the person who feeds, sleeps, and plays with her. This is actually a child's desired behavior that is healthy for the child. However, the working mother may get a little upset and be jealous of her child. In fact, it is necessary to understand this behavior of the mother. In today's working conditions, we have to talk to and overcome the sad state of not being able to spend enough time with the child. It is common for children to love their babysitters more. In fact, this should not be considered too strange: it is a human reaction, but what is good for the mental health of the child is that walking is something that sane people can do, without avoiding these feelings, and specialist help should be sought if necessary.

Sometimes we may encounter children who are beaten or badly cared for by a babysitter.  It is a serious crime for any adult to persecute a child, neglect or abuse them, and there is a legal sanction. This needs to be looked at from a larger perspective, not as a risk to the babysitter profession.