Adolescence is a painful process for parents as well as children. Expert Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna from Yeditepe University Hospitals Department of Psychology explained the ways of healthy communication with children during this challenging period…

Adolescence is a period when children are in conflict with both themselves and their families because they cannot develop the right coping mechanisms while trying to cope with the psychological warfare, they experience within themselves. "It is very important for parents to have the right attitude so that this period can be spent with little pain. Because the attitude of parents shapes the personality, mental and social development of the child.' Expert Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna gave the following advice to parents...

Make Your Child Feel Loved Unconditionally

Children often make mistakes during adolescence, and because they do not know what their parents will react to in such situations, they hesitate to tell their parents when they make mistakes. Even if your child has made a ‘big mistake', make him feel that ‘you will love him no matter what he does' and that you will support him under all circumstances.

Allow Them to Explain Themselves

It should be accepted in the family that the child in adolescence is also an individual, especially in the decisions to be taken about the family and home, his/her opinions should be taken into consideration.

Listen to Them

Different conversation topics should be created to talk with adolescent children. When you talk to them, you should not be interested in other things, but you should look them in the eye and listen to them wholeheartedly. Avoid commenting, especially when they are explaining things that are important to them and make them feel that you understand them.

Respect Their Decisions

During adolescence, children may often not want to talk about issues that bother and upset them. At such times, understand your child's decision not to tell. Do not impose sanctions on your child during this period. Be a guide as a family, but let her be free to make decisions, and teach her that she must also bear the consequences of the decisions she makes.

Be a Role Model

In this period, parents should not exhibit behaviors that they do not want to see from their children and should be a positive model for their children. For instance, if you do not want your child to play with a cell phone during mealtimes, avoid playing with your cell phone primarily as a parent.

Set Boundaries Clearly

Acceptable behaviors and boundaries at home must be clear, be clear and consistent about this. For example, if the mother says ‘yes‘ and the father says 'no' to the child who wants to go out in the evening, these inconsistent behaviors will cause the child to be confused. The child will not be able to learn the limits fully and apply what is right for him/her. Hence, it is very important for the parents to be clear and consistent about the limits.

Recognize Their Skills

Adolescence is a time when children feel inadequate, so recognize your children's abilities, give them age-appropriate responsibilities, and give them the opportunity to succeed and appreciate their achievements.

Make Time for Them

Especially during adolescence, children enjoy spending time with their friends rather than their families. In such cases, be sure to discover the activities that your child is interested in and participate in the activities that he/she will love.

Respect Their Friends

Almost the whole world of adolescent children is based on their friends. They value their friends too much and believe that their friendship will last a lifetime. Of course, know and follow who your children's friends are, but avoid making negative comments about their friends. This will cause your children to move away from you.

Especially during adolescence, children like to spend time on social media like all their friends because they communicate with their friends through social media. However, messaging with people they do not know can lead to a serious security problem, which can scare you. In this case, follow your child as a parent by subscribing to the channels he/she is a member of, following him/her, and following the people he/she corresponds with or communicates with on social media. Set limits on the use of ‘social media'. You should also follow these boundaries.

Get Expert Support If Needed

Do Not Do These to an Adolescence!

Do Not Humiliate Them!

Do not compare your child to other children with sentences such as ‘Our neighbor’s son got a high score in the exam; you only play games with your tablet.' Do not humiliate him in front of others.

Do Not Criticize or Judge Them

Especially when children in adolescence are criticized, they may give serious reactions or, conversely, they may close up. Children at this age are very sensitive to criticism. If we advise the child to ''Do not do this!'', if we direct the child by using expressions such as ''Sit down and study your lesson instead of being upset'', if we judge and criticize by saying ''You are acting like a child'', if we insult them by saying ''You are an idiot''. If the child wants to talk to us, but we do not listen to them, then they can feel like they are not loved and turn in upon themselves. Their self-esteem may be damaged, and they may develop a negative perspective towards life. For instance, they may start not to respect themselves, they may act stubbornly, feel angry and insecure, they lie, and start not expressing themselves.

Avoid Negative Comments About Their Body

Children, especially in adolescence, are very sensitive to comments and criticism about their bodies. Therefore, avoid comments such as ‘You have gained a lot of weight in the last month’.