8 Tips for Fathers Who Want to Develop Healthy Relationships with Their Children

Children's relationships with their parents are extremely important in their spiritual and social development. Moreover, many factors such as the approach of not only their children but also their spouses to each other and their common attitudes toward their children are effective. Specialist Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna from Yeditepe University Koşuyolu Hospital reminded us that especially in our society, the father is seen as an authority figure, and communication with children is tried to be achieved through the mother.  Underlining that fathers need to communicate openly with their children in order to establish a healthy relationship, Göktuna listed her suggestions for fathers for healthy communication…

Make Your Child Feel Loved

Underlining that fathers' physical contact with their children, touching, and hugging them will have positive effects on both the psychological and social lives of children, Specialist Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna gave the following information: “Some fathers see showing love as a 'losing authority' and therefore try to avoid showing their children that they are loved, no matter how much they love them. They prefer to love and kiss their children when they will not notice. Children need to feel loved by their fathers. The basis of a healthy relationship is to make the child feel loved. Therefore, fathers should not be afraid to show their children how much they love them. In this way, children will be able to convey themselves and their feelings to others more easily in their social lives.”

Spend Quality Time Together

It is also very important for the father and child to spend quality time in order to establish the right relationship. However, when satisfying this important need of the child, it is not watching television or playing with the phone. It is necessary to determine the appropriate activities by remembering that the needs of the child also change according to their age. For example, let them set up games with young children that will help them develop their imagination. For older children, explore their interests and develop appropriate hobbies. Make time to go to the cinema, to the theater.

Talk to Your Kids

Since our fathers want to create the image of an ‘Authoritarian Father Figure’, they avoid talking to their children, and showing their love to their children through physical contact. For this reason, children in our society are afraid to talk to their fathers. Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna: “Usually, the father is the mother's mediator to ensure communication between the child, and the relationship between the father and the child progresses through the mother.  This is a rather wrong way of communicating. Children who cannot talk to their fathers, who cannot tell their fathers about their feelings and thoughts, and who have to suppress their feelings begin to feel worthless and their self-confidence is damaged. However, the most basic of establishing a healthy father-child relationship is that our fathers are open to communication with their children."

Collaborate with the Mother

Children need their parents in different ways from the moment they are born until adulthood. Personal care needs such as feeding and changing diapers in younger children are replaced by homework or different needs as they grow. Of course, there are also emotional needs. Although mothers are at the forefront of all these needs, fathers must also act in cooperation. In this way, the children once again see that they are valued by their fathers.

Be Your Child's ‘Role Model’

Remember, children are the mirror of their parents, so you should avoid doing the behaviors that you do not want your child to do first. Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna gave the following suggestions to parents: “For example, if you do not like your child spending all night with his phone, you should first stop playing with your phone as a father. If you want your child to be diligent and take responsibility for his own life, you should first set an example for your child with your honesty and diligence and always reinforce your child's positive behavior with praise, expressing how proud you are of them.”

Make Meal Hours Enjoyable

Dinner time is one of the rare times when all family members have the opportunity to get together, so make an effort to be together, especially during mealtimes. Avoid watching TV or playing with your phone during mealtime. Consider mealtime as a time to enjoy ourselves together, especially avoid asking questions such as whether you did your homework or how many times you took the exam during this time zone, make conversations that will make your child feel how much you value them and the events in their life.

Be Precise When Establishing Discipline 

When the child is asked to develop a new behavior, they should make sure that Psychologist Zeynep Göktuna: “First of all, make sure that they listen to you, say what you want to say from a place where they will hear you, 'for example, do not give commands to your child's furthest room from the end of the corridor'. If your child is small, go down to their height and make eye contact to express your wishes clearly and decisively. Remember that unless the command is clear, it will be more difficult for positive behavior to occur.” 

Do Not Judge When They Make a Mistake, Stay Calm

It should not be forgotten that children can make mistakes as well as adults. Fathers must not get angry and remain calm in the face of the mistakes made by children. At this point, it is much more beneficial to show the consequences of their negative behavior to children and to express to them clearly and clearly that they should take responsibility for this result. In addition, punishing and criticizing the child in front of others are among the behaviors that should not be done.